Darkest Shades of Blue
by JewelOfTheSea101
Summary: Nightmares. They are the hidden shapes your mind twists in the darkness. The hollow fear that remains from childhood. The blackness inside your own soul. Every one person believes there own are darker than someone else's. After all, facing your own fear in sleep is harder than hearing of another's while awake. Slightly twisted Canon.
1. Nightmares

This is the rewritten version of Kendra's Decision. It has been a while since I've read the books so if I miss something/ say something wrong let me know! I would like to apologise for being gone for so long but I lost complete interest in this storyline. But im back! Hope you enjoy!

Changes: Gavin was framed by the Sphinx and Narvog, and has fought hard for the return of trust.

Also I don't know when Kendra's birthday is but I'm changing it to fit my timeframe.

Kendra is also 16.

Kendra POV

Nightmares. They are the hidden shapes your mind twists in the darkness. The hollow fear that remains from childhood. The blackness inside your own soul. Every one person believes there own are darker than someone else's. After all, facing your own fear in sleep is harder than hearing of another's while awake.

Yet, I can't help to think what another would say if the were able to see my own.

Would they think me damaged? Broken? I was already aware of that. Perhaps they would find me disturbing or sickening. Maybe it would even drive them insane.

However, the nightmares were sometimes better than facing reality. I could accept the gruesome image that flash through my eyes when they flutter closed. How I wished I could do the same with the constant ache in my chest.

After all, it's harder to face reality than delusion. At least within the nightmares I could pretend he was still by my side. That I didn't have another weighing guiltily on my brain.

But fate works in mysterious ways, and mine was determined to screw me over.

With a sigh, I finally opened my eyes to the reality I had been denying existed. Had hoped didn't exist.

Deciding finally to begin the day, I trudged out of the attic to the shower, bitter thoughts plaguing my mind.

6 months. The amount of time my heart had left a broken, frayed, and bleeding wound aching in my chest. The amount of time Bracken had been gone.

I looked in the mirror before squeezing my eyes shut, trying to erase the image of a gaunt and pale ghost staring back at me.

2 weeks. The length of time when the numbing balm had been added to the wound. When Gavin had returned. Yet the numbness was occasionally scratched at with confusion and guilt.

Hopping in the shower I cleared my head. No, it was far to early to be thinking such thoughts. I could at least attempt to bring some life back to myself today. The others had begun to worry. Especially Seth.

After briefly washing, a thought occurred to me on my way back to my (our) room. That irritating satyr was set on visiting today. Verl had yet to get the memo that I am as uninterested as ever. In fact, he has decided it was his task to "fix" me. I may be broken, but I was far from helpless. I am perfectly capable of healing myself, thank you very much. He had just neglected to get the email.

After completing my routine, I headed downstairs set on speaking with the fairies (least the competent, non-jealous ones) about my newfound features.

Over the course of the last two months, I had started to change. By hair had grown to mid waist, so I had taken to plaiting it loosely over my shoulder or in a bun. It had also begun to take on a silvered hue, like small highlights, or accents. The blond had deepened, as to look like I had a hundred different shades of it. My eyes had lightened to an eyes blue, but I found the deepened to a midnight color when i am upset, and flashed green when I am angered.

Have become delicately pointed, and my facial features have taken on a more delicate almost ethereal look. My body shape overall has become that of a graceful dancers, or a runners and less like the awkward teenager I had been before.

While the cause was unknown, Tanu suspects it may have to do with my coming-of-age. Perhaps I was just growing into my fairy-kind inheritance.

Glancing out the window I watched as Seth explained the basics of being an eternal to Gavin. I had chosen to become one shortly after the closing of Zzyzx, hoping to remain with Braken longer. Seth and Tanu had followed not long after.

Only one more eternal is required, and we are in no rush to find one. When the time is right, the last eternal's slot will be filled.

Being so deep in my thoughts, I did not notice Gavin and Seth waving me frantically away from the stables. Had I seen them, I would have been able to remain blissfully ignorant to the return of my heart. My heart which I wasn't sure I wanted at the moment. Actually, I wasn't sure if I should loathe my foolish heart, or the man who had taken it more.

Stepping in through the doors into the cool of the stables, I was greeted by my blinding white mare, Fyre.

"Hey girl. Are we ready for a ride today?" I asked gently, petting her forehead lightly. She was still easily spooked form when we found her.

Turning to grab her brush, I was stopped by a wall. A white T-shirt covered wall. More specifically, a man who was at least two heads taller than me. As I looked up to meet his eyes, my open wound began to bleed freely.

I should have let my nightmares consume me.

I hope you enjoyed it! Next chapter will contain more dialogue and will be longer! Feedback is appreciated.

-Jewel


	2. Open Wounds

Hey guys! I hope to start updating a bit more regularly, so maybe once a week? I apologize for the length of this chapter, the next will most definitely be longer. And now a few responses:

Fairykind girl: thank you so much!

Liz: I'm sorry that you were unable to read my profile, and the paragraph I had before my last chapter. As I was going to a new school I put all my stories on hold. I wasn't waiting for "65 F-ING REVIEWS". I apologize for needing time to focus on my own life, and to Improve my writing.

And for those asking, a beta is someone who basically pre-reads and edits your story. They also may help you write sections of it.

Please leave some feedback so I may continue to grow as a writer! Enjoy!

Open Wound:

When your heart breaks, many people say it feels like someone is ripping the still beating life force out of your chest. That's just humans though.

When your heart is broken by such an amazing creature that is incomprehensible to the normal person, it is like your darkest fears and insecurities form a deep, black, life-sucking void within the bloody and torn whole they had left in your chest.

I had a theory for this. When a human is rejected, they can at least claim the other was not worthy of them, due to their equal status. However, when it is a divine creature who you are well aware is at a higher state than you may ever be, the blow to your own insecurities is innumerable worse.

You may spend the entire relationship convincing yourself you are good enough for this inconceivable match, yet when the relationship is over, you cannot help but blame yourself. After all, how can it be this perfect figures fault? It HAD to have been your fault. YOUR the one who wasn't good enough for THEM.

And now you can see the dilemma I faced with Bracken. The unicorn had almost carelessly blown off what had been left of your relationship when he had returned.

As it turns out, meeting him in the stables when he returned was the most luck I had had throughout the whole situation. At least this way, he could no longer lead me on and lie to me.

The sound of a growing screaming match between Gavin, Seth, and Braken drew me from my thoughts a back to the task at hand. Right, focus.

Now, running from the barn, as I currently was, while crying was probably not my smartest decision. The tears blurred my vision, and it was almost a given that I would fall.

Scrambling up from the ground, I wiped the dampness from my cheeks with the palms of my hands. Taking a deep breath, I set my resolve. He was here, I'd get over it and move on to bigger and better things. If that didn't work, I could always just make myself busy.

Tying my long white hair back into a long cascading ponytail, I jogged the rest of the distance to the house. Ok Kendra, focus. Your alright, just act like you never saw him. Cover up that gaping wound in your chest. Let the fake mask you've been wearing for months slip back into place.

Hurrying into the kitchen, I began throwing myself into helping my grandmother make breakfast. She gave me a curious look, but by the glint in her eyes, I knew she understood.

"How was your sleep dear?" She asked just as though I had walked down the stairs a moment ago. I was willing to play along with the facade however, when my grandfather entered the kitchen.

"It was fine. A couple nightmares, per usual. Morning Grandpa. You might want to check on the boys. A screaming match was beginning last I heard." He rolled his eyes and sent a silent prayer, before walking out the glass door. My grandmother laughed.

"He has no idea, but he was exactly the same way as a kid. Maybe even worse. I could tell you stories that would make even Seth's hair curl!" I chuckled faintly, reaching over to turn down the stove. Before I could pull back, she grabbed my arm.

"You sure your alright Kendra?" She asked, concern splashed across her face. I nodded slightly, mindlessly rubbing the spot over my heart.

"Yeah, I'll be ok." The throbbing ache of emptiness within my chest increased, as if to disagree. The worst part was I couldn't heal myself from the pain. The only person who could, is the last person I would talk to.

Afterall, a person's heart can be locked away, but someone else will always hold the key.

I hope to have the next chapter up by Thursday of next week! Please leave a comment so I know how to improve the work for a more enjoyable experience for both of us! Thank you!


	3. Perks

Hey everyone. I realise I'm an ass for leaving you all hanging with the notion of updating more often. At the time I honestly believed I would be able to, but I had an... Incident with a close family member and I have also relapsed with a particular issue I had hoped was gone. I'm sorry if you think less of me, but my family and health come first.

That being said, I will still be continuing these stories, I'm just attempting to find the right Segway to get the plot line moving. Until then, here is a short filler chapter!

So it's official: the universe is set on completely destroying any slim chance of happiness I had hoped for. For some inexplicable reason, fate has decided to screw me over.

Bracken has not only returned, he has decided to stay for the summer and improve relations between our worlds. I agree whole heartedly with his cause, but cannot bring myself to speak with him.

He has not only remained completely indifferent to our previous relationship, but has begun treating me as if I am a servant to be ordered around.

'Kendra go put my horse in the stables' 'Kendra fetch me a book' 'Kendra get me some water' I'M SORRY I WASN'T INFORMED THAT YOUR LEGS WERE BROKEN! Really, how hard can it be to get or do such menial tasks yourself?

The mannerisms and tone he uses when dictating such orders is absolutely disgusting. I believe he has started to forget whose household he is occupying, and his wake up call is well passed due.

This is why I now found myself creeping quietly down the steps from the guest room, a floor below the attic. I had realized with the arrival of Bracken, that by residing in a room I had known as a child, (it was a mere year ago, yet I would be considered far from a child), was poisoning the few happy memories the room preserved.

With this discovery came the ever difficult task of talking to my grandparents. Specifically regarding the fact that I had no need nor desire to remain in the attic for safety; I was perfectly capable of taking care of myself.

I had moved my belongings the next day. Seth was understandably upset when he was told he would not be allowed to move rooms as well, but we all agreed it was for his own safety, he still tended to get a bit to curious.

So, as of a few days ago, I would be residing in a previous guest room, conveniently located next to Bracken's own. (Lying bastard had picked it on purpose. It seems he has a death wish.). Luckily I have Gavin across the hall from me, so I am not completely alone in this hallway. (The psychotic, narcissistic, unicorn man did not count.)

Now, allow me to return to the present matter at hand. I was currently creeping my way out of Bracken's room which may or may not be currently decked out in glitter. I am not liable for any injury that may occur, as I cannot be proven guilty. Who cares if I'm the only one the fairies listen to. There the ones who actually did it.

I have to admit though, the idea was not my own. Seth had made a snide comment about him in an attempt to cheer me up (unsuccessfully). He said, and I quote: "He's like freaking Edward Cullen crossed with My Little Pony. I mean, who the fuck is part unicorn?".

Sometimes I truly love that child.

Please let me know what you thought, only honest opinions can help me improve as a writer. I will attempt to have the next chapter up before Sunday. I will try my best. Thank you for reading!


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